Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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