Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
3 2 1 whiskey
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
