If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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