i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
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