Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
