Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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