Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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