If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
