Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
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