a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
