I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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