life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
