Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
