Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
