It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
