You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
