i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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