My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
