I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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