stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
