We're facebook friends in real life
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
