Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
