theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
