my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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