You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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