I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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