It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
