My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
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