after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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