I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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