God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
