all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
