And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I want a musical about memes.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
