I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
i drank out of a bidet.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
