Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
