Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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