69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
