Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
