My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Boobs speak an international language.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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