I CAN MOONWALK!
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I'm always down for nudity.
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