oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Randomize
