I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
