thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I need a beard to bite.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
