I'm lost and stupid without you.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
