I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
