I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Randomize
