i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
