Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
