bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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