You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
