we're chasing vodka with high fives
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
