I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
