I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
