just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
cat food counts as protein by the way
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
