I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Text me some of your sweat
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
