i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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